I just want to be happy.
Sentence we all hear, say and think on daily bases. But are we actually happy? What makes us feel this emotion. What gives us that feeling?

I have been having a little anxiety and panic moments for over a year now. At first I barely mentioned it to anyone. I had no idea what that feeling I had inside actually was. My mind decided that I am just being nervous or stressed. Scared perhaps. After all I had been through some rough changes. But then I saw a lot of people online and around me talk about feeling anxious. What it is like and how it all starts. That was a moment I realized the feelings I has, those moments when I feel like shit, want to cry, my chest is tight and I can´t properly breath, feel out of breath perhaps and that state of mind is actually something more serious then just nervousness. 
I decided to make myself happy. To do anything I can to get rid of it. Once I got bloody busy with work and traveling I felt better. But then it all got cooked in me and a moment I felt stressed it exploded. 
Yesterday was full of nice moments and yes, I felt super happy. Then I got a few little moments and the evening that made me feel too many emotions. Anger, sadness,.... Everything I kept inside me got mixed up and popped out of me.

We all feel a bit crap every now and then. And it is totally okay. It is up on us after all if we let something like that effect us for 5 minutes or days. It is all about the attitude we have when dealing with things. If I told myself  "okay, anxiety is part of my life now" I might be a huge wrack ball now. Instead I thought of not putting myself into it too much and trying to fill my life with moments that give me opposite feeling to that. If I didn´t tell myself last night that it is okay to cry a river and get everything out of my system so I can put smile back on I would probably be in my bed now feeling panic and have head-ache. No, I definitely would.
It is on YOU! You decide if you are going to leave everything n or not. It is on you how you feel. But please, do me a favor.... Smile! Decide to be happy. If you need to cry. Cry it all out at once. And then be happy. Whatever that might mean to you.
Until next time, keep safe and live your life to the fullest.
DeniVev :*

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